James 1:19 (KJV) Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath
What do you say on a day when your spirit and your mind are drawing a blank? As a writer, I have come to realize that you cannot force the process. At times, it becomes frustrating because we place such a demand on ourselves to produce, but nothing comes out. Other times, we may just put something together for the sake of saying we have written something. Then, there are those moments (like now) when we just write whatever comes to mind, regardless of whether it makes sense.
What does this mean? Nothing. It just means that maybe you need to sit in silence and just listen. So in moments like these, I take it to mean that the Father not only wants to pour into me so that I may pour out into others. But sometimes He wants to pour into me so that I can pour into myself. It is a moment to embrace because sometimes when you are giving so much of yourself, you can become depleted, resentful, and even walk away from the things you love and are called to do.
I have been there and could never have imagined myself falling in love with studying, reading, and writing about the Word of God again. But one thing about God is that He never tried to force me back into it. He allowed me to have some space to recollect myself and be renewed within my spirit because I was empty and had nothing left to give. During this time, however, there came a day when I realized the flame was still lit within my heart and I felt like Jeremiah, who said:
Jeremiah 20:9 (KJV) Then I said, I will not make mention of Him,
nor speak any more in His name. But His Word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.
The lesson for me that stemmed from the silence is that there is no need to feel pressured to perform for others. As a vessel of God, I have to learn to speak when He wants me to speak and not feel guilty or burdened when He does not. Another lesson I learned was that if I sat still in silence long enough, my Father would eventually speak to me. I just have to learn to be patient and remain in a posture of listening for the sweet sound of His voice (side note – as I wrote that, it brought a smile to my face immediately).
Now as I look back to the beginning of what I have written today, I can see how my Father used what others may call a “writer’s block” to teach me a lesson about sitting in silence. Isn’t He simply amazing?